Star NFL Players Described as Classic Emo Songs

Buzzfeed is a place that we all find ourselves browsing through from time to time. Admit it. You see the link on your favorite social media website and you feel compelled to read what it is they are saying to take yourself back a decade or two.

For me, recently, it was 23 Songs Every Emo Kid Will Never Forget. Growing up in my teenage years of both physical and psychological abuse from my narcissist father, emo music spoke to me in so many ways. So naturally, I had to click on the link and relive those songs I obsessed over and listened to on repeat a decade ago.

I decided to take the top ten songs on the list and compare them to current NFL football players. Enjoy (and laugh)!

10. Only One – Yellowcard: WR Antonio Brown, Retired?

“Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.”

I think that every NFL team can relate to this song. Antonio Brown is one of the most talented, naturally gifted, and incredibly productive wide receivers in NFL History. However, getting him to stick on a team for the last year (what feels like a decade) has been impossible.

“I feel so broken up, and I give up, I just want to tell you so you know.”

Yeah, and will he actually stay retired?

9. I Write Sins Not Tregedies – Panic! At The Disco: QB Dak Prescott, Dallas Cowboys

Oh yes, this one will hit close to the heart for many of you who read this.

Dak Prescott and the Dallas Cowboys cannot come to terms of an agreement. It’s been two years of bickering, and now Prescott will be playing the 2020 season under a franchise tag. It makes you wonder if Owner Jerry Jones “has ever heard of shutting the goddamn door.” No, Jerry says, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Yeah, and that’s why Dak is not yet under contract with the Dallas Cowboys.

8. Check Yes, Juliet – We The Kings: S Earl Thomas, Baltimore Ravens

The sweet innocence of the song is quickly lost when one becomes a parent. I speak from experience. The song is about a fellow trying to get into a girls bedroom that he has no business being in.

Hmm, sounds familiar.

Granted, the song doesn’t mention the wife showing up with a pistol, but “run, baby, run, don’t ever look back, they’ll tear us apart” sounds an awful lot like what Earl Thomas did when his wife found him in a girls bedroom he had no business being in.

7. I Miss You – Blink 182: QB Tom Brady, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

This song encompasses the entire offseason for New England Patriots fans. New quarterback Cam Newton on the team is exciting, but the feelings leading up to the signing and the uncertainty around a team that has been, for every year, a staple in the NFL for almost two decades is strange and foreign to an entire generation of Patriots fans.

“Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?” Tom DeLonge asked, and every Patriots fan has begged as well. Unfortunately, there is no going back, not after a two-year deal that signed Brady to the team for around $50 million.

6. Misery Business – Paramore: Owner Dan Snyder, Washington TBD

I know I said “players” but this just makes sense. The song opens with the line “I’m in the business of misery” and that’s just what Washington has been since Dan Snyder bought the team – a cesspool of misery.

Somehow, a story breaks of real problems within the organization. 15 women were allegedly sexually harassed and assaulted in order to move up the ranks. This story was broken by the minority owners as a last-ditch attempt to force NFL owners to remove Snyder, but as Hayley Williams said in the song, “she’s got it out for me but I wear the biggest smile.”

Snyder came away with the biggest smile.

5. Perfect – Simple Plan: QB Andy Dalton, Dallas Cowboys

Oh, this one hits close to home.

Andy Dalton was the guy that the Cincinnati Bengals held onto for so long like the favorite son, but Bengals fans hated. A good quarterback, efficient, and produced good results (generally) but just wasn’t good enough to stay around anymore.

When Dalton left Cincinnati, his message just sent vibes of this song, almost saying “sorry, I can’t be perfect.”

4. Ohio Is For Lovers – Hawthorne Heights: QB Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bengals

Ohio is home to Joe Burrow, the former Ohio State quarterback who transferred to LSU and found college immortality in a near-perfect season. Burrow, last year’s Heisman Trophy winner and National Championship winning quarterback. At the Heisman ceremony, Burrow’s acceptance speech was more about the struggling families in Ohio than it was anything else, an incredible gesture of the person that Burrow is.

“You never stop until my final breath is gone,” Hawthorne Heights warbled in this song, and it plays true to Burrow. He is a fighter, and he doesn’t give up.

3. MakeDamnSure – Taking Back Sunday: QB Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs

Let’s be real here, guys. The Kansas City Chiefs had to MakeDamnSure that Patrick Mahomes “wouldn’t ever get too far from me” (meaning Kansas City), signing him to a 10 year, $503 million contract extension.

“I just wanna break you down so badly” say the film critics who haven’t gotten around to watching the Chiefs tape yet. He’s fun to beak down too, and it’s hard to not just turn on the tape and watch all of the different arm angles he throws from. Yes, this song was written about Mahomes.

2. Sugar We’re Going Down – Fall Out Boy: QB Kirk Cousins, Minnesota Vikings

“Am I more than you bargained for yet? I’ve been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear ’cause that’s just who I am this week.”

You never know what version of Kirk Cousins will show up this week, but you can bet your bottom dollar that the Vikings will be going down, down, swinging. Cousins has the capability to be the “number one with a bullet,” but that “loaded God complex” is what he can’t seem to “cock” and “pull it.”

But don’t sleep on him, because you’ll be “sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team.”

1. I’m Not Okay (I Promise) – My Chemical Romance: WR Antonio Brown, Free Agent?

You didn’t know that the same player could appear on this list twice, did you?

Neither did I.

While the Yellowcard is Antonio Brown from an NFL teams perspective, the My Chemical Romance Song sounds like Brown addressing NFL fans. Unfortunately, for him, most NFL fans don’t care anymore either.

Wow.